Diary
by Aretood2
Summary: This is a short about TJ. It's an experiment for me. I played with First person narration, even though it's not my favorite, and a uniquely Female perspective.


**This was a short that I entered in a Fanfiction contest at .net**

**It's a small short and is also was done to pander to the strange and funny cult following of an SGU extra known in the same website as Balding Asian Guy A.K.A. BAG. There is a thread there demanding his return...This story was an experiment for me. I don't like first person, so I tried it. I also wanted to try a Female perspective on a uniquely Female subject.**

The ringing pounded against my ear; I opened my eyes to see my own phone screaming at me. It was another day on Destiny, another day I had to face him. I pushed my blond hair out of the way as I got up, the stale air permeated my senses. This day wasn't going to be easy, with everyone still divided by Rush's mutiny. This is when I begin to worry, to worry about what will happen, to me, to it.

I got up that morning unsure of myself, that wasn't something new. I was expected to be this brilliant doctor that could cure the flu. They just don't understand that I am not the right person for the job. So I placed my hand on my belly, trying to feel it grow inside of me. I felt myself getting a little dizzy, but I ignored it. I couldn't afford to think about it all the time. People would start to notice things and I am not ready to let them know. Why should I? This is about me, a private matter, it's not like he would understand anyway.

So I reported to what was the infirmary. It was the same old place with beds and what little medical equipment we had scattered about. Was I the only one worried about the shortage of supplies that we have? Wray seems to busy trying to undermine the Colonel while Dr. Rush is too busy playing with the ship. The Colonel, God knows what he is thinking about half the time.

I sat at the table and began looking over the list of medical equipment that I had, then he came in with his stubborn presence penetrating every nerve in my body. My heart rate increased, I felt the urge to run, or yell at him. It had to be the hormones, your body goes through a roller coaster in times like these and I was no exception. I fought hard, going back into my training, to keep calm and cool headed.

"I need you to take a look at Rush," he said with his scratchy voice, "I don't think he is recovering from the surgery." I turned around wishing to scream at him for being such a hot headed idiot. Then I felt the nauseating dizziness attack me from my womb. I tried to cover it, but the Colonel managed to notice it. "Are you okay?" he asked with genuine concern in his voice. He wouldn't be that caring if he knew what was growing inside of me. I felt a lump build inside of me, so I swallowed attempting to push it down into my stomach.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I told, "I'll keep an eye on him." The Colonel did not look satisfied, but he would be a hypocrite to push the issue. Every time I give him a checkup he acts as if it is offensive to even question him about his health. What else do you expect from a man who would cheat on his wife? That though made me sick to my stomach, what did I get myself into?

He finally left; I thought I was going to end up kicking him out of that room. But now I had to see someone else, the only person who seems to listen. He was the only man alive that seems to be able to understand me. He was also the only one who knew about me and the Colonel. He walked in holding his computer against his chest. Those caring narrow eyes of his beamed through his glasses as he came in for a regular check up. Most women would overlook him, with his receding hairline, but I didn't. I saw through that, he listened to me babble about everything. Some men just don't understand that we need to get our frustration out. They don't have to comment on everything, they just have to listen. And he knew this.

"Hello Lieutenant Tamara," he spoke with his kind and understanding voice as I gathered my stethoscope and other items that I needed. He looked a little nervous, he knew what was coming but he didn't seem to protest. I never really found myself attracted to Asians before, but there was something about him. I got my stethoscope and placed the ear pieced gently into my ears. I bent over and placed my left hand on his lap. He had such a strong lap for a scientist; I couldn't help myself but to slightly squeeze my hand around him and smile.

"Okay, I need you to breathe in slowly and then exhale," I told him as I went under his shirt from the bottom instead of the collar like customary. His heart pounded into my ears, he was nervous. "Good, everything sounds good," I said, "you know, you are the only one that I can talk too. Some of the other guys are just too busy playing practical jokes on each other. I swear they are all still a bunch of boys who need their mothers to watch after them."

He continued to breathe in and out as I slowly slid my left hand further from his knee. I needed to; I had to listen to his back. As I shifted around I could smell his minty fresh breath, I never told anyone about it. His lips looked so inviting, but I would scare to poor guy away if I ever gave in. Such a nice man, he would make a good father. Then I realized that I was still going through the motions of it growing inside of me. "I don't understand why Colonel Young and Rush have to be at odds, they can't seem to get along and it is tearing the ship apart. That man can never understand anything; he can't even see the obvious things that are in front of him. How can Young," I stopped myself, He's my CO a Colonel not a friend, "Colonel Young be in command when he can't even understand the simplest things about me, about everyone else."

The Scientist just sat there taking it all in. I beamed my ophthalmoscope into his eyes and mouth; I felt his throat and asked him the usual medical questions. He gave the usual responses, healthy. The last thing was to check his ears, I liked this part. I would just lean close to his face and turn his head slightly towards me. His face only inches from my chest, the fact that he didn't resist or comment had to mean something. He had to be interested, if only this amazing man would say something. He barely would speak and when he did he only spoke a few words. If finally backed off from him, he seemed relieved, I was relieved myself. I managed to vent something, but his check up wouldn't be for another week. I couldn't wait that long.

"You're all fine," I said, and then he got up and began to walk away. "Thanks," he spoke. I couldn't let him leave me, no. I walked right up to him and grabbed him by the arm. He seemed surprised as he turned around to face me. "I am going to eat breakfast soon, do you want to come?" I asked him as I stepped closer to him. He had to give in; if he wasn't interested he wouldn't have been sending all of those signals. I have made my position clear to him. He didn't seem to know how to respond, so I decided to respond for him, "Great, so I'll see you there at the first breakfast shift."

He left and I was alone, back to taking inventory of what little medical supplies we had left. I closed my eyes and remembered how his breath smelled, the feel of his thigh in my hand. I imagined how he must have felt staring right into my chest. Did we have a chance? If only we could spend a month on a planet, I would stay there with him and raise my child away from this mess.


End file.
